It’s been almost two years since I shared a fertility update. Truthfully, I worry about “oversharing” because I am generally a pretty private person, but I made a promise to be more intentional about what I post on social media. We all need community and connection, regardless of what we’re going through. I also believe that keeping (what we perceive as) our flaws private, we’re only contributing to a narrative of stigma and shame.
If you missed my original post, I wrote about how our decision whether or not to have a baby (I avoid saying, “start a family” because we are already a family, Nick and I…) was heavily influenced by infertility. This post was one of my most read posts and I received hundreds of messages and DMs from women (and men) who were experiencing infertility and felt like they had nobody to turn to. It’s not something many of us feel comfortable talking about, but since penning that post, I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and the complexity of my situation feels less overwhelming.
In an attempt to better understand my body and options, I made another appointment with a specialist. These appointments helped shed light on my medical history and empowered us to consider our options. We ultimately decided to start on fertility medication. Unlike the medication I was taking in my early twenties (which was a form of birth control) this was specifically designed to improve the likelihood of getting pregnant. We’ve recently decided to take it one step further and begin injections, a fertility treatment available prior to IVF, which is even more expensive.
With everything going on in the world, I do feel guilty spending so much time and resources trying to get pregnant. The logical side of my brain can’t even imagine raising a child in the current climate, but I owe it to younger me to explore my options. I’ve always gravitated towards children; initially enrolling to study child education and then speech language pathology at university. I envisioned myself working with children some capacity and temporarily worked at a daycare when I first moved to New Zealand.
Whether you have decided against having children, are currently undergoing fertility treatment (it takes such an emotional, physical and financial toll…) or you are still deciding, know there is no wrong decision. Whether Nick and I end up with a baby or we remain childfree, I know we’ll be more than okay and will continue to live fulfilling, wonderful lives. We’re fortunate to live in a world full of options with incredible medical advancements and opportunities; understanding the nuances of my situation has been powerful.
If you or someone you love is experiencing infertility or pregnancy loss, my heart goes out to you. My DMs are always open and I cherish every connection I’ve made since opening up. Internet culture continues to perpetuate toxic highlight reels. It’s a cycle that encourages us to only post our wins, leaving many of us feeling more alone than ever. I hope that, in some small way, reading this post has made you feel less alone.
Disclaimer: We all know I’m not a doctor and I can only speak to my personal experience.