prairie girl musings

Category: Musings

What We’ve Learnt In Our First Year of Marriage
There’s no doubt about it, fewer millennial couples are getting married. Do we even need marriage these days or is it an outdated institution and merely an opportunity to put ourselves and our relationships on display? Throughout my twenties, I definitely didn’t expect I’d ever get married. I was in a stable, committed relationship and honestly didn’t see the need for it. Sure, I got butterflies in my stomach every time I imagined picking out my wedding dress and welled up as I watched friends walk down the aisle, but did that mean marriage was right for me?

As it turns out, my perspective has completely shifted since marrying Nick a year ago. I was absolutely certain nothing at all would change. We’d exchange rings, have a big party with our nearest and dearest, and then we’d go back to regular scheduled programming, right? In reality, things have changed, even if it’s on a subconscious level. I do feel differently about our partnership since getting married and like I’ve learnt a thing or two…

Here’s what I’ve learnt since tying the knot:
1. Marriage is a big freaking deal— there’s nothing quite like saving up, planning and carefully writing your vows before reciting them in front of everyone you know to make things feel official. While I always imagined our wedding to be one big party, the ceremony, the vows and the significance of it all is what truly matters.
2. Security — It may sound silly, but I feel so much more secure and confident in our relationship since getting married. Hearing Nick’s beautiful and thoughtful vows really cemented his love for me. Sure, he demonstrates his commitment to me every day, but I feel comfortable knowing that we were both ready to take the leap toward married life together.
3. It’s less stressful than planning a wedding — Planning a wedding, especially when you’re as detail-oriented as I am, can become all consuming. Being married is actually pretty low key most of the time and I love that we’re able to just sit back and enjoy it. That said, continuing to have fun together, surprising and prioritising one another is pretty important.
4. We need to keep working on ourselves (separately and together) — Sure, we’re a unit and a pretty solid team, but it’s important we continue to have our own lives, hobbies and friendships. I could never expect one person to be my everything. Getting married doesn’t excuse you from continuing to work on yourself and to work through your issues.
5. We want to make things work — Whenever we do have an argument, we tend to resolve it quickly and communicate more effectively than before we were married. I honestly don’t know why this is, but maybe knowing that we’re married and in this together makes us want to work through any problems that arise and be gentler with each other.
6. You share each other’s joys and burdens — When one of you goes through something difficult, whether it’s losing a job or the death of a family member, the other person shares your pain and carries part of the burden. When things feel super heavy, it’s incredibly beneficial to have someone to lean on. And when you’re on top of the word, it feels amazing to have someone’s excitement levels match your own.
7. Gratitude is everything — Nick does so many little things for me and looks out for me in subtle ways and I always try to reciprocate and be grateful. Obviously it depends on your dynamic as a couple (I know couples who are sarcastic 99% of the time..) but remembering to be kind with each other goes a long way.
8. Other people’s support is everything — Not everyone will understand your marriage, but knowing they’ve got your back is crucial especially as you navigate the highs and lows. Personally, I’ve been through a lot of changes since moving to New Zealand. While Nick might not be precisely the person some of my family and friends envisioned me marrying, they’ve been 100% supportive of our relationship and eventual marriage. They even flew all the way from Canada to celebrate with us. It’s comforting knowing your loved ones are with you every step of the way.
9. It’s not just about becoming Mr. and Mrs. — Truthfully, we could’ve achieved everything above without ‘putting a ring on it’ and long-term relationships are just as official and important as marriages. Some cultures believe in and prioritise marriage more than others. Some people change their names, others don’t. Slapping a label on something won’t magically fix it or somehow make it more valid.
—

While things remain mostly the same on the surface level, I now do believe that marriage changes a relationship and its dynamic. I’d be curious to hear your thoughts whether you’re single, in a long term relationship or married!

Photos by the incredible, Sophie Isabella
March 16, 2020
A Case For The Underdog City

In just over month, we’ll be boarding our flight back to Canada after 4.5 years in Christchurch. So now is as good a time as any to reflect on our time here in the Garden City and make my case for the underdog, ill-represented city. A large portion of my audience is based overseas, so if you’re thinking of moving to (or even visiting) New Zealand, here’s why I think you should consider Christchurch:

There’s something to be said about big cities with international reputations. You know the places: Paris, New York, London, Sydney, Tokyo, Vancouver, Auckland… the list goes on. They are popular places to live and visit for a reason and are all #blessed in one way or another. It’s easy to see why they receive a lot of attention and don’t get me wrong, I LOVE these cities with all my heart. When Nick and I were planning on moving back to New Zealand, our obvious choice was Auckland. It’s where we met, where we both studied and had plenty of friends, and it’s the business hub of New Zealand with its fair share of opportunity. Instead we chose Christchurch to many people’s dismay.

At that time, Christchurch was still recovering from the earthquakes (and still is) and I remember preparing myself for the worst. To my surprise, I fell in love with the city and grew with it as new businesses popped up around me. Despite being a small-ish city, Christchurch is one of the most dynamic places in the world. I visit Auckland and Wellington semi-regularly and have been to Queenstown more times than I can count. In my opinion, Christchurch, at this moment, is a more interesting place to be. We have some of the most innovative cafés and restaurants in the country and our North Canterbury wineries like Black Estate, Greystone and The Bone Line make New Zealand’s best wine. I’ve written a lot about Christchurch’s merits on an urban scale (have you seen our bike lanes?!) but it’s most appealing for the quality of life you can have here. Buying a house isn’t merely a pipe dream, work-life balance is a reality for most (and definitely way better than anywhere else I’ve lived…) and there are beautiful beaches and hiking trails on our doorstep. It’s really a goldilocks city in that sense. There are issues, of course, which I (and many others) have discussed at length, but won’t get into today.

I was actually inspired to write this blog post after a conversation I had recently. The guy said he would never visit Detroit or Pittsburgh, which I found fascinating. These two rust-belt American cities have negative reputations due to a myriad of reasons including faltering economies. They’re not high on anyone’s travel bucket list, but will end up surprising those who do visit. They’re two of my favourite underdog cities where artists and creatives from New York and Los Angeles flock when they can no longer afford to spend more than half their income on rent.

Christchurch is the definition of an underdog city. It’s been put to the test countless times yet those who visit are continually impressed by the warmth and generosity of its residents. Spend some time talking to any of the young creatives who inhabit this city, and their energy will inspire you. I’ve lived four of the best years of my life here, gaining a sense of community within its central city streets, attending world class festivals, ballets and operas, and perhaps most importantly, connecting with beautiful, likeminded people at every turn.

So, the next time you write off an underdog city, I urge you to give it a second chance.

March 5, 2020
Looking Back On 2019 & An Announcement

2019 was an interesting year both personally and professionally. In many ways, it felt like an entire lifetime. I married my best friend, spent quality time with my family, travelled the world, and shared a lot of it with you all. Professionally, I finally feel as though I found my sweet spot — a nice mix between client work and personal projects. I dipped my toes in video, wrote for a handful of publications, and as a result, this blog has taken a bit of a backseat. Over the years, it’s grown into a space where I can share personal stories, milestones and struggles that hopefully hold some universal truths and thought-provoking questions for you.

Surrounded by our friends and family, Nick and I got married on our ten year anniversary. It was better and worse than I could’ve ever imagined. The day after the terrorist attacks, we were all in shock, heartbroken and yet incredibly grateful to be with our loved ones. Leading up to our wedding, I had become consumed with all the menial, superficial details of our day. I became obsessed with celebrating this milestone, one that felt like the most important day in the world. My entire perspective has changed after the 15th and it felt like a wake up call.

I haven’t said or written much about the Christchurch terrorist attacks that killed 51 precious souls in their place of worship mostly because I haven’t found the words. Perhaps it’s not my place, but it’s something I think about every day and am still trying to process. The response from our city, our prime minister and the world was comforting; Jacinda Ardern managed to change gun laws within six days and her empathy has truly come to define her as a great leader. The donations, messages and aroha flooded in from everyone and everywhere… Yet there are still echoes of xenophobia and racism in New Zealand. Stereotyping, generalisations, ‘harmless’ comments and jokes, people flat out refusing to pronounce Māori words and names correctly. I remember when Taika Waititi’s video with the Human Rights Commission first came out and how it brilliantly illustrated the subtle ways prejudice thrives in this country. I hope in five or twenty years from now, we haven’t forgotten about our nation’s darkest day and we’re all still doing the necessary work to build inclusive communities, voting in favour of governments that welcome immigrants and refugees, actively learning about other cultures, races and religions, and remembering the country’s history and educating ourselves on the Treaty of Waitangi.

The rest of the year was a bit of a blur, taking on new projects with local, national and international businesses. I worked with Christchurch hospitality clients and filmed a travel documentary with American Airlines (out in March!) I travelled to Dubai, Europe and the UK with Nick before heading home to Canada for family time. It was Nick’s first time in Europe and he fell in love with Amsterdam, where he spent 2.5 weeks studying urban economics and cycling everywhere. We even found our Smash Palace equivalent and plenty of amazing eateries and cafés. It felt like somewhere we could live long term. We also went to Paris (Paris is never a bad idea!) and London where we stayed with Nick’s uncle, Andrew, the ultimate tour guide and cultural buff.

That said, the amount I’ve been travelling has been weighing on me, especially given the climate crisis and the fires in Australia. I’ve always loved to explore and experience different places and cultures, but these signs are impossible to ignore and I know I need to cut back. I’ve been taking steps in all other areas of my life, limiting the amount of meat I eat, cycling rather than driving, and buying way less (also accepting very few PR packages). So, in 2020, I’m making some big decisions about travel for the next wee while. I’ll be sharing more about that in the coming months…

I got a bit personal with you all this year, sharing my fertility struggles and the outpouring of love offered me hope in what felt like a hopeless situation. I can’t thank you enough for your messages, comments and general support. I’m usually quite private when it comes to my personal struggles, but this had been on my mind for years. I even started having dreams (more like nightmares) and it was impacting my sleep. I had written six or seven drafts by the time I finally mustered up the courage to share. Needless to say, I was blown away by the response I received and was reminded of how important it is to be vulnerable with one another.

And for my announcement…

I’m proud as punch to announce that I’ll be launching my very own consultation sessions in 2020. These one-on-one sessions are in response to questions I am frequently asked directly on Instagram or in person, on subjects ranging from how to get started in marketing to approaching editors and getting your writing published. While I do my best to answer every question I receive, sometimes they require a bit more thought and attention. I am now at a place professionally where I feel equipped to offer advice on the publishing and marketing landscape and will soon be opening up a form on my website (go check it out if you’re wondering what I’m talking about…) These consultation sessions will be open internationally via Skype and FaceTime as well.

All in all, 2019 has been a year of growth with some of the highest highs and lowest lows. As I get older, I’m not as focused on ticking off the big milestones, I want to make memories with my loved ones and become a better person, someone with integrity and continue to speak up for what matters. Wherever you are currently, whether you had the best year of your life or you’ve just managed to get by, 2020 is a clean slate. The year is yours, so plan something amazing! Here’s to making it a good one!

I’d love to hear more about what you’re up to in 2020, leave me a comment below. x

Photo by Hannah Bird Photography

January 5, 2020
On Turning Thirty

Today marks my thirtieth lap around the sun (it’s still the 17th in Canada…) Thirty is a daunting, anxiety-inducing age for many people. We spend so much time writing down goals and resolutions, trying to figure out how we can become better versions of ourselves — smarter, thinner, prettier, the list goes on… But what about embracing exactly who we are in this moment? Rather than looking forward with plans for the next decade, it feels like the right time to celebrate the woman I’ve become and share a few lessons I’ve learnt about myself along the way.

At thirty, I can finally confidently say that worrying about what other people think is a waste of time. I’ve spent years caring about what others think of me and trying to fit a particular mould. In the past, I wanted to be liked by everyone, valuing their opinions of me above my own. The older I get, the more I know exactly out who I aspire to be and care less about being liked and more about being respected.

I don’t have to live up to others’ expectations nor should I be expected to live up to society’s standards. Success, like anything, is relative and you’re not going to want the same things you wanted when you were younger. It’s taken a lot of trial and error, but I’ve stopped caring so much about how things should look and have embraced how things actually are.

The desire to be at the best party and to hang out with the cool kids is no longer a thing for me. I now want to plan my social life around those who give me energy and love; those who make time for me and put in what they take out. In the past, I’d make excuses for those who would subtly put me down or make me feel small, but I don’t have time for that anymore.

On the other hand, spending time alone, actually alone, without your phone or external distractions is absolutely essential. It can be unnerving, for sure, but it’s the best way to check in with yourself to see how you’re really doing. There have been times when, from the outside, everything in my life looked amazing. It wasn’t until I checked in with myself and realised things were not okay.

There’s a lot of focus placed on the end result, the destination — we all love ‘before and after’ photos and seeing how far we’ve come. But you know what’s even more interesting? The process. The process of becoming older and wiser, becoming healthier, happier and more financially stable — these are all habits that take time and aren’t exactly linear, but they should be both therapeutic and empowering, even invigorating. I read a quote the other day, “You are becoming — and you should take your time.”

The better you know yourself, the better you’re equipped to find someone who complements not completes you. I was only single for about three months of my twenties, but Nick and I did several stints of long distance throughout our twenties. While most people view long distance as a curse, in retrospect, it’s enabled us to become the best versions of ourselves. When you meet the love of your life at a very young age, the likelihood is high that one or both of you will have to make some pretty big sacrifices. Nick has always been 100% supportive of my dreams. From encouraging my solo travel to supporting me when I considered dancing on a cruise ship for nine months. I’m lucky to have met someone who understands the inevitable challenges of a relationship, but has decided to tackle the difficult stuff together.

And the absolute best thing about getting older? I’ve started to get to know myself better with each passing year. To become better acquainted with yourself is such a gift. As a thirty year old woman, I’m learning to be patient because everything comes at the right time. I’m no longer trying to fill a void because I’ve finally realised that I am everything I need.

“You’re so hard on yourself.
Take a moment.
Sit back.
Marvel at your life:
at the grief that softened you,
at the heartache that wisened you,
at the suffering that strengthened you.
Despite everything,
you still grow.
Be proud
of this.”

Photography by Reuben Looi

December 18, 2018
A Few Thoughts On Blogging & Consumerism

There’s no denying the excessive nature of the blogging and YouTube industry. Whether constantly trying out new products, so you can share your favourites with your followers or buying/being gifted clothing for outfit photos, there’s something a bit troublesome about it all. And don’t get me started on hauls… (do people still do those?) The promotion of fast fashion and constant consumption has got me thinking… Are we hitting a boiling point with blogging and consumerism? Can blogging and more specifically, fashion, beauty, lifestyle blogging, and sustainability go hand in hand?

While I try to encourage more sustainable choices without alienating my audience, I’m well aware that part of my job promotes a lifestyle of consumption. The main reason I’ve avoided discussing consumerism up to this point is because I didn’t know how to approach the subject without sounding hypocritical. After all, I’m occasionally sent products to try, I enjoy shopping, eating out and travelling to far-flung locations, all of which aren’t doing our planet any favours… But I’m becoming more and more interested in sustainability and educating myself. There have been some small changes I’ve made over the past five years, but I know it can’t stop there.

There are many local designers that have sustainable practices in place. Rather than placing huge ASOS hauls, many New Zealand bloggers are consciously building wardrobes of investment pieces for the long-haul. I choose to support brands that have sustainability at their core, whether reusing fabrics and materials or only putting out capsule collections. Some of my favourites include: Reformation, Kowtow, Twenty Seven Names. Buying secondhand is a good way to reduce your carbon footprint.

There are many bloggers and content creators who talk about sustainability in ways that I admire without being condescending. I don’t really follow beauty YouTubers, but was seriously impressed with Samantha Ravndahl’s video on deciding to no longer accept PR packages. She talks about the industry’s problems in a way that’s approachable and non-judgmental. Seriously, go watch it!

Of course, we’re all still learning and doing our best both as content creators and consumers. As a consumer, I try to always research brands before choosing to buy from them. Recently, there’s been lots of talk about makeup companies who test on animals (a lot more than I realised, actually!) I’ve chosen to no longer buy from these companies because there are plenty of ethical companies whose business practices sit well with me. I’m also working on only buying what I need, donating clothing I’ve outgrown and repurposing items in my closet. It’s unnecessary to buy new, so I’m also renting from Lend the Label this summer.

Nobody is perfect and you don’t need to know everything to make improvements and live with less. All I know is that we urgently need to make better choices and know it’d be irresponsible of me not to bring it up on my platform. I’d love to hear your thoughts on consumerism in this industry, too.

December 6, 2018
Authenticity, Oversharing and the New Age of Instagram

Instagram’s evolved considerably since I first downloaded the app back in 2010. At first, I only used it to edit (add filters) to my photos before sharing them on Facebook. Eventually, I began using it to share the occasional holiday snap or sunset before it became my main platform in 2013 whilst living in Toronto. Working for a bridal magazine, I became friends with a blogger and fellow editor who was an active Instagram user and soon began documenting our seemingly glamorous lives. In reality, we were barely scraping by in an industry that desperately needed to be disrupted.

In the beginning, Instagram was used mostly by creatives, photographers and editors, or at least those were the accounts I followed. I craved an inside look into their covetable careers and social lives. Even though most content was shot on an iPhone, it was beautifully styled and curated. I still love following accounts who offer a simple and aesthetic glimpse into every day life.

Instagram today involves over sharing and a scramble towards showcasing your most ‘authentic’ self, whatever that means. In some communities, it means showing your face without makeup and having a rant about whatever’s on your mind that day. In other settings, authenticity means showing the behind-the-scenes of a photoshoot. That said, I do appreciate the democratization of the industry because it means anyone with a smartphone and an opinion now has a platform and a way to share their experience.

I’ve observed the way Instagram and social media are used in both North America and Australasia by both individuals and businesses. While I understand this desire to be transparent, in this age of information overload, I still admire a bit of restraint and consideration. Parents are missing important moments with their kids and couples are having less sex because they bring their phones to bed. (Though that’s another conversation entirely…)

Personally, I have experimented with sharing more and giving more of myself to my platforms. It makes for a successful formula and allows you to connect with a larger audience. But there’s only so much of yourself to give. What happens when you’re unable to put your phone down on the weekend because it’s part of your job? I’ve had multiple conversations with fellow bloggers who feel guilty for not immediately responding to their DMs. I was chatting to a friend at NZFW who was previously an avid vlogger. He’s since stopped because he said he was never present for his actual friends and family, constantly hunched over his phone. He was no longer able to save anything for himself. That truly resonated with me and it’s something I think of often…

There are pitfalls to this new age of Instagram, many of which have been well documented. I’m still trying to strike a balance between showing up for my audience while still reserving space for myself and my loved ones. On one hand, I applaud bloggers who discuss everything from miscarriages to depression on their channels; knowing they might help even one person feel less alone. To be able to connect with people around the world, especially those who feel insignificant or ignored, is a truly incredible endeavour.

Where do you stand as a blogger or content creator? Are there limits to what you’ll share or are you an open book?

Photography by Nancy Zhou.

October 12, 2018
What I Need To Stop Doing Before I Turn Thirty…
I hate to admit it, but I’m a people pleaser.

With my thirtieth birthday looming, I’m taking stock of all my habits, behaviours and characteristics. There’s nothing like leaving your twenties behind to force you to reflect on your life up till this point, the good, the bad, the ugly…

You decide, I’m fine with whatever. This has been my go-to mantra for most of my adult life. I often find myself managing the needs of others and worrying about how they’re feeling, meanwhile forgetting to check in with myself.

That is, until I completely lose it and have an outburst of sorts.

In general, I think people pleasing is pretty common. After all, we’re all taught not to complain too much, to be polite, and to be fun to be around. What starts out harmless enough (I mean, where would we be without common courtesies and human decency?) can end up turning into bitterness and resentment.

While managing the expectations and anticipating the needs of others, I’m realising how exhausted I am and that I’m not actually living my life to the fullest. I know it’s rooted in fear; the fear of how my choices might impact or inconvenience others. But relying on others to make the big calls will affect your relationship with that person (and ultimately with yourself). It’s detrimental to those around you. While they may initially benefit from you being accommodating, they may also feel the weight of making all the decisions.

Do you find yourself doing one or more of the following?
- Saying yes to everything, even when you don’t have time or don’t want to do something
- Changing or shifting your plans (especially last minute) to suit others
- Holding back when asked for feedback or an honest opinion
- Allowing other people to talk down to you or to question your judgment
- Always letting the other person command the conversation
If so, you may be suffering from similar people pleasing behaviour.

So, how do we deal with our people pleasing tendencies? Well, I’m still figuring it out and probably won’t have it figured out by the time I turn thirty. But to start, I’m now making room for the goals I’ve long pushed aside; the ones I keep telling myself I’ll get around to one day. If that comes across as selfish, I’m okay with that. After all, it’s okay to dedicate time to our own dreams.

Photography by Sophie Isabella.
May 16, 2018
How To Deal With Missing Out

Since leaving Toronto, I’ve missed out on my fair share of opportunities: restaurant openings, food events and film previews, to name a few. A week after packing up my bags to move to Christchurch, I received an email about a press trip to a dreamy destination; a trip I would’ve attended in a heartbeat. Watching my friends’ Instagram stories about their latest adventures is a constant reminder of the amazing city I left behind.

The social media landscape in New Zealand is different from what I’m used to in Canada. The brands I’ve encountered aren’t eager to deviate from traditional, established media in order to work with influencers. When opportunities do arise, they often are unpaid and hard to justify when holiday time is scarce. Working at an agency, my days are fast-paced and it isn’t always possible to step away from work to create quality content. I know many bloggers who spend their weekends creating exceptional content, attending events and networking, and I commend them. While I do attend a handful of events in Christchurch and Auckland, they are less frequent than those I had become accustomed to in Toronto.

That said, I’m aware that everyone has to say no to fantastic opportunities, both professional and social. I’m writing this blog post as one of my best friends boards a plane to Melbourne for a free trip that I was invited on. Having to say no to amazing opportunities is a necessity, regardless of what you do. Here are a few reminders (for myself and for anyone who maybe feeling the same way right now):

1. I remind myself how lucky I am to do what I love and get paid for it. My 8-5 is incredibly rewarding and I’ve worked hard to find a job that fulfills me creatively and pays my bills.

2. Downtime can be a good thing. It means I get to go on runs and hikes with Nick, celebrate friends’ birthdays, stroll along the beach, and have a midday nap on a Sunday if I so desire.

3. Family comes first. This year, I’ll spend the majority of my paid leave travelling home to Canada, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

4. New Zealanders are entitled to at least four weeks holidays per year, which is pretty darn good.

5. I’ve been on many incredible adventures both alone and with those closest to me. For that, I count myself very fortunate.

I’m sure you’ve missed out on opportunities as well. Please tell me how you coped.

October 30, 2016
The Importance of Showing Up

One thing I’ve noticed about Christchurch, that never ceases to amaze me, is that everyone turns up.

It could be symptomatic of losing a slew of businesses and community events following the earthquakes, but nevertheless, it’s impressive!

In Toronto, I had friends from different areas of my life and everyone was always busy. When planning an event, one would anticipate that many of the people who had RSVP’d wouldn’t actually show up. We all cancelled with grace (via text message) with perfectly reasonable excuses.

Being constantly attached to our devices, it’s all too easy to cancel or postpone plans at the very last minute. In fact, it’s usually expected that one of two parties will bail. My friends and I would confirm plans a few hours beforehand in a subtle, offhanded way: “I’m just hopping on the TTC now, see you in thirty,” ensuring the other party was also on their way.

In Christchurch, if you say you’ll go, you go.

The city’s collective commitment to showing up astounds me. And this commitment extends to cultural events like the Chinese Lantern Festival, Holi and Japan Day where it seems like the whole city is in attendance.

So, on a somewhat unrelated note, here are a few photos from Holi and Japan Day last weekend!

March 12, 2016
Note To Self

While I was at home over the holidays, I spent one evening thumbing through old family albums. As my sisters and I often do, we each selected a few of our favourite photos from our respective baby books.

I recently read an article that discussed the twenty-something woman’s tendency to berate herself on a daily basis. I don’t recall where I found this article as I wasn’t overly concerned with the statistics or validity surrounding this claim, but I know it’s true. We’re all too quick to replay conversations that went awry, condemn our bodies, and agonize about our careers (or lack thereof). This sort of self-deprecating rhetoric is all-too-common. FML has become the new full stop to end our sentences, as we jokingly make these underhanded comments about our lives.

We live in a society that measures success based on a handful of weighty milestones, yet keeping up with the Joneses is near impossible in our recovering economy and inflated housing market. This constant benchmarking against our peers, previous generations, and what we see in conventional and social media leads to mounting levels of stress and anxiety.

Looking at this photo of myself as a toddler brought up an unfamiliar sense of empathy. I was reminded of a long forgotten innocence we all once possessed. Any feelings of inadequacy and stress were somehow absolved by looking at my carefree, infant self. We all need to be much kinder to ourselves. On a personal level, of course, but collectively as well. Condemning ourselves for our imperfections won’t change them, at least not without serious repercussions.

Instead, I started thinking, “I need to treat myself how I’d treat a small child, a younger me.” Would I ever mockingly compare the failings of her aspirations? No, I’d love her unconditionally, and that’s how I resolve to treat myself going forward. It’s a lesson that’s applicable for anyone who is feeling inadequate or self-conscious.

Along with the following list of things you can do instead of getting worked up, find an old photo of yourself and remember that it was taken not too long ago:

1. If you’re tired, don’t press on, take a nap.

2. Feed yourself healthy, wholesome food. Make yourself delicious meals that will give you energy and make you feel good.

3. Allow yourself time to play.

4. Engage in activities that feed your soul. There’s a reason over 95% of my female friends were enrolled in ballet at the age of four, and it’s not because our parents’ thought we’d start obsessing about how we looked in a leotard by the age of twelve.

5. If you fall down, (literally or figuratively) take it easy for a day or two.

6. Surround yourself with people who support you. The greatest people you will ever meet will reassure and console you when you’re feeling sad. And they will cheer you on throughout your many pursuits.

7. When do children start looking in mirrors? From a young age, we’re fascinated with our reflection, but when does this fascination take a critical turn? Begin appreciating everything your body does for you, it’s a complex organism. If you’re lucky, you can walk, run and dance. To quote the famous Sunscreen speech, “Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can, don’t be afraid of it or what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.”

January 3, 2015